I am halfway through a Nicotine Fit, I am unsure what to do. The state of my finances has never been worse. So deep am I in debt it is beginning to manifest as an actual thrumming, physical, pain. It is in my belly, my ass, my lungs, and in my blood - and I can feel my whole body tingling in frustration and desperation for one more sweet puff of tobacco.
Beside me is an ashtray half full of cigarette butts. I would be tempted to smoke one of them if they were not all smoked down to the filter already. I crossed that bridge last night. But this morning - I had to throw out my last cigarette when my dad walked into the room while I was smoking it. I threw it out the window. He didn’t leave until well after it burned itself out, not before complaining that the room smelled like smoke.
I thought myself a failure as I went to sleep last night because I already missed the second day of updating this. I realized the truth this morning. The true birth of this log was in the pre-dawn morning. It is only a little more than 24 hours later that this post is going up.
What I failed to mention in my previous post is that there was an hour-long gap between typing it and posting it. I received a call while writing it. An emergency, I was told. And I rushed out of my house to make sure a friend got the help he needed.
This morning I get the details from the papers, and I’m not surprised. All the little details that I got when I went to help out made the puzzle fit perfectly.
At least the chick’s hot.
This is interesting what I’m feeling from this particular service. Without that little comment bar down by the side I feel a certain anonymity. And it is refreshing. I have no contact information except what is stored inside my personal account information.
This is not new, but old. Familiar. Like the first few years I had internet. I was maybe 12 when we first got it in my household. Incidentally that was the same year I discovered pornography. The first stuff I looked for was Hentai. Anime porn. Then I started searching for the real thing.
Was I over 18? Well, I clicked it didn’t I? Funny how time changes. I never use Yahoo! to search the internet anymore.
I had so much fun before all those social networks that took over. It was IRC, Online Gaming, all of us having this neat little identity unique to cyberspace. For Star Wars games, it was a Star-Wars based nickname with leaderboards online and IRC to set up the games.
And what, it was all for bragging rights. No big prizes. Just for the fun of it. But we didn’t know each other. We didn’t have any lists showing us six degrees of communication. It was just some other guy on the ‘net who likes Star Wars and played the games online. Just like me.
There was of course the single girl who would hit on everyone in the IRC chatroom. She never gave /me dirty kisses because I was too young.
I am not making these things up. Yeah I gave out my real information over the internet, without telling them anything like my address. Due to my current location, I am not indexed in any large scale computer networks without my consent so I was fine.
So is this where my past can’t get to me?
Time check:
My laptop says 4:31 AM. I am inclined to believe it is because my computer syncs with a provider for accurate, down to the second, because of atomic half lives, or what other people are making to just getting their brains around to understanding time.
My wall clock still tells time in an analog fashion. So I’d have to show you a picture of the clock to tell you exactly what time it is. I’d like you to remind me about that.
Bodyclock: hungry. But that makes sense considering all I had today were chips and cola. I should sleep because I’m tired but my brain is filled and I cannot just let it slip away.
My cellphone no longer telling the time because its battery died, and we needed to make a call so we swapped phones, exchanged SIMs, I dialed out and we got fetched. The only landmark he knew was the McDonalds. We were closer to Starbucks.
It’s now 4:37
